I ran into a friend at the dog park this morning and she asked me if I was “OK”.
“When I saw you last week, you looked like you were on the verge of tears.”
What was going on that day? Oh yeah…
In the spirit of Chantal Sicile-Kira’s terrific article Why do children and adults with autism act the way they do? inPsychology Today, I thought it might be helpful to to write an explanation of another mysterious cast of characters in the autism community: Autism mothers.
Why to we act the way we do?
Here are just some behaviors you may see in moms like me and what they could mean:
1) We cry spontaneously for what appear to be weird reasons. Our specialty is crying in public and at IEP meetings, and let me tell you, it is not pretty.
Cashier at 7/11: “May I help you?”
Autism Mom: sniff, sniff, sob…”I’m not sure.Thank you for asking. I’m just feeling emotional right now.”
Why do we behave this way?
- We aren’t sleeping
- Our already busy and emotionally intense days are punctuated with phone calls that catch us off guard and hurt our feelings.
- Our child does something amazing or really funny, we tell a friend and it is clear they don’t get why it’s such a big deal. We hold it together until the nice cashier at 7/11 say’s “May I help you?”
2) We join a book club. We think it’s a good idea to do something intellectually and socially stimulating, and then we never show up.
Why?
- Evenings are hard. Our kids need us. We are drained.
- We did not read the book and worry that we’ll say stupid things just to sound smart.
- We are nervous about hosting book club at our house.
3) We are socially awkward. We didn’t used to be, but now we blurt out bold statements like “Hysterectomy? I had mine vaginally. What about you?” (or worse “has your wife had one yet? “)
Why do we behave this way?
- We are immersed in the world of quirky kids. We’re out of practice.
- We’re tired
- We feel so lucky to be invited places that we are manic.
4) We bristle when well meaning people say “You’re a saint” or “Bless your heart” or”at least the other two are normal” or …grrrr, someone really said this to me “At least you don’t have cancer.”
WHY?
Because we love and admire our children so much. We wish others got that.
Read the first three chapters of my book. They are short. (You’ll be hooked)
